1. Do not underestimate: your abilities - I have often found myself saying to myself that certain things can’t be done, that I can’t make it… but then my determination helps me try everything I want to. Sometimes it is clear that I am not perfect at everything, but I try. I try to learn new things for my graphics work, which is always changing. I try to be a good mom... this is how I discovered I had potential and interests I didn't think I had. Now, after my second pregnancy, I have even discovered I have the potential to learn to love myself, and to be able to love my family even more.

2. Do not overestimate: having to do everything on your own. When my second child was born I thought I could do everything on my own and I would never need help, but then I discovered that every now and then it is good to ask others to do things we would like to do ourselves. Sometimes we too have to concentrate on our needs and our dreams.

3. If you need help: ask for it. Use words to express what you need, even if it is just a coffee. Nobody can enter your mind and understand what you need, not even the people who know you best. Silence and unspoken words breed misunderstandings. Have no fear to express yourself and ask for what you want.  If you need your husband to do something in the house, ask - you'll discover he is not lazy, he simply doesn't know what to do.

4. You won’t manage without: a moment of me-time. In the evening I need to have half an hour entirely on my own, during which I sort out what has happened during the day, I quietly drink a cup of herbal tea and listen to the silence in the house. When everybody is sleeping I write down my thoughts or read a book and the next morning I am ready for the warmth of my family's hugs.

5. My motto for when I are desperate: obvious but true, every cloud has a silver lining.

Do not underestimate yourself: both in terms of resources and limits. Because if on the one hand demanding to much of yourself may be stressful in the long term, insecurity also does not help, in fact it often blocks the right decisions.

Do not underestimate the future. Do not let negative times and difficulties get you down too much. With children, family and work, you will always be faced with phases that pass and give way to new phases. When there's little to be done about a situation, I just sit and wait. Sooner or later something good will come along. And everything always changes.

Do not overestimate the lives of others. From the outside everything may seem easy and perfect, but I can assure you that this is not the case.
Never overestimate the opinions and words of others. People speak from their own experience, way of being and personal life. This will never coincide with your own experience. Do not overestimate your fears and anxieties. They are like shadows, they seem much bigger at midday than they really are.

If you need help look for it and delegate. Don't feel guilty if you need to take time out for yourself. Try to rest every now and then everything will seem easier! Do not take everything on you own shoulders, there is also a daddy in the family, don't discount him, he can learn as much as you did.

Don't be without: everyone will tell you that you can't be without children and I agree that this is really true, but I also advise you to take some time out for yourself every so often. Regenerate the body and mind and relationships!

Her motto for desperate times: Panta Rei

Now Elena has started another activity, WorldWideParty. She makes themed decorations for birthday parties and special occasions. Learn about her creations and “taste” them in the free download section. I bet you'll love them!

1. Do not underestimate your abilities, the little girl inside you who really wants to play and, most importantly, your instinct. It is amazing how, in the end, our instinct guides us in the right direction.
As I moved from place to place from one part of the world to another, I discovered that our resources and inner strength are far more than we realize and expect. Fear is often our limit and we think we can’t do it. Then magically we always succeed.
Love for our children and the survival instinct that makes us fight for everybody’s well-being - that, no doubt, is the most precious lesson I have learnt since I moved abroad!

2. Do not overestimate what you hear, read, what other people “advise” you to do and what other people think. With my first child I was always ready to take notes of everything I was told. I took everything at face value. You later learn that not everything people say is always right. Yes, listen to what people say, then use your brain.

Too bad if somebody doesn’t agree (there is always somebody who disagrees). Your life is your own and you must go ahead with courage and perseverance. In this case, too, moving abroad taught me a lot - partly because living in a foreign country, far away from your family, makes you stronger. You find yourself in the middle of a different culture. You can learn a lot but you can also feel very lonely, so you have to pull yourself together and believe in yourself!

3. If you need help… ASK FOR IT!!! It is amazing how much we women struggle to ask for help. Why? I personally had to learn to manage on my own and I am still working a lot on it. I still have problems managing the kids. I have never had a babysitter because I have never trusted anyone. But this year that the children are a little older I have given in and have started enjoying my husband’s company without little ones around. There is nothing bad about asking for help, quite the contrary. It means accepting your limits and helps you improve. Most importantly you don’t end up exhausted.

4. You won’t manage without… Since I started living in the US I have become American, so my answer is that I couldn't survive without a tumble dryer and a huge refrigerator.
And here is my answer as an expat Italian: in whatever part of the world I live in, I couldn't manage without my coffee machine, Grana cheese and Skype, which allows me to spend some time with my family and that, if you live abroad with children, is crucial.

5. My motto for when you are desperate: “baby steps” is an American expression to say that you should do one thing at a time. You can manage by taking one small step, then another and so on. Problems and obstacles must be dealt with a little at a time - just as unforgettable moments must be truly enjoyed!

Do not underestimate your strength, of course. You won’t be able to do everything (or even most of the things) you had planned to do. So accept your limits and let other people do things for you. Rest frequently, sleep and too bad if the house is untidy (was it ever tidy before?).  Do not underestimate yourself either. You are strong – you always have been – and you will be in this delicate phase of your life. You will be tired and you will feel as if the sky is falling on your head (by Toutatis!), but this is your life and your children. You are the one who decides. Do not let anybody influence your decisions; do not be afraid to “offend" people. Too bad if this happens! You only live once and every moment with your child is unique. Try to act and think as independently as possible, disregarding everything and everybody. Let other people help you but make sure they do not interfere with your decisions. Your husband’s or partner’s support will be crucial in this sense (he must not go against you).

Do not overestimate other people’s advice.  Don’t take any notice of people who say “I did this, I did that, when I had a baby…”  Don’t listen to people with perfect children who eat, sleep, keep quiet and behave well. Children will be children and newborns (let alone toddlers and older children) are tiring for everybody. Be suspicious of people who are not struggling!!! Don’t bother and go your own way. Share your feelings and moments with your close girlfriends and husband/partner.

If you need help, ask for it and don’t be afraid to do so. If you really need more help, ask a Doula, an experienced woman who offers (non-clinical) emotional and practical support before, during and after childbirth and who acts as an experienced friend. I did not have the chance to hire one, but I am personally acquainted with a few doulas and if I were born again I would surely ask them to help me. Involve your husband or the baby's father to share moments and tiring tasks. Everything will make sense - this is how you build a family. One day, in the future, you will be laughing about the days when your children when drooling babies!!

You won’t manage without thinking about how fragile your child is and about what your life together will be like. You will realize you are responsible for the growth of another person and, even if this scares you a little, it is the most beautiful and deeply involving experience of your life!

My motto for when you are desperate: Icandoit Icandoit Icandoit!!!!

To understand what a welcoming, cheerful and positive person she is, just read her very special advice on serene motherhood. Treasure this advice – it is really precious. If you don’t understand it now, come back here in a few years’ time and you will

1. Do not underestimate: them, your children. True, they are full of energy. But they are discovering one thing after the other. Learning is so easy for them, something we have long forgotten. They are looking at us even when we don't realize. We educate them with the way we act because, like sponges, they absorb everything around them.

2. Do not overestimate: other people’s judgment. The people who love you know that, after quietly and politely expressing their opinion on a subject (be it the children’s education, how to feed them, choosing a pediatrician, the best kind of shoes), they must step aside and let you get on with it. You - with your children's father - play the starring role. Together you can go on this great adventure.

3. If you need help: don’t hold back. Real “wonder women” are the ones who understand they can’t make it alone. We know perfectly well how to ask for help: your mother can iron the shirts, your mother-in-law can cook some sauce and bring it round, a friend can pick up your child from nursery, your husband can come back from work and pick up the screaming baby, giving you the chance to take a shower or cook the dinner in peace. We are lucky to be surrounded by people who are just waiting for us to ask them to help us.
Sometimes we get cross thinking we shouldn't have to ask - our partner, our mother should understand when we have had enough. Waiting for other people to make the first move doesn’t usually help. It is much better to make things simple and just ask. It will be easier for everybody! (I experienced this first-hand…)

4. You won’t manage without: affection. A gentle touch from your mother, reassuring you that you are a good mother even when the baby is screaming so much you feel your heart will break. A romantic dinner with your partner in which you can finally talk. The look of your baby when your feed him or your child waving when you pick her up from school, as if there were nothing better in the world. Your friends' smiles, the friends you know you can always count upon. These moments are the fuel that keeps us going because we feel loved.

5. My motto for when you are desperate: think of what you have and never of what you are missing. This is more of an exercise than a motto. It is a way of finding something good in everything and every situation, even the less (apparently) attractive ones. You can always start again from there - from the positive present.