1. Do not underestimate: your abilities - I have often found myself saying to myself that certain things can’t be done, that I can’t make it… but then my determination helps me try everything I want to. Sometimes it is clear that I am not perfect at everything, but I try. I try to learn new things for my graphics work, which is always changing. I try to be a good mom... this is how I discovered I had potential and interests I didn't think I had. Now, after my second pregnancy, I have even discovered I have the potential to learn to love myself, and to be able to love my family even more.

2. Do not overestimate: having to do everything on your own. When my second child was born I thought I could do everything on my own and I would never need help, but then I discovered that every now and then it is good to ask others to do things we would like to do ourselves. Sometimes we too have to concentrate on our needs and our dreams.

3. If you need help: ask for it. Use words to express what you need, even if it is just a coffee. Nobody can enter your mind and understand what you need, not even the people who know you best. Silence and unspoken words breed misunderstandings. Have no fear to express yourself and ask for what you want.  If you need your husband to do something in the house, ask - you'll discover he is not lazy, he simply doesn't know what to do.

4. You won’t manage without: a moment of me-time. In the evening I need to have half an hour entirely on my own, during which I sort out what has happened during the day, I quietly drink a cup of herbal tea and listen to the silence in the house. When everybody is sleeping I write down my thoughts or read a book and the next morning I am ready for the warmth of my family's hugs.

5. My motto for when I are desperate: obvious but true, every cloud has a silver lining.

Do not underestimate your dimension as a mother which, above all, is also that of a woman. As such, it is not just made of your weaknesses but of all the courage and determination that you, and you alone, can bring out. Don't take yourself too seriously and don't try to be perfect at all costs. Feel free and proud of yourself as you are - complicated and full of faults, amused, with mood swings, cheerful and sad, relaxed and tense, rested and tired yet unique, special, happy, glad to be alive, to love and to be loved.

Do not overestimate many, too many things, starting from your body, your strength and energy. Give yourself a break sometimes, admit you are tired and struggling. Remember - you are not Wonder Woman. Being a mom is a job that you learn through practice, trial and error, and there is no job more difficult and complex than being a parent.
Don't overestimate your children because one day they too will be as "stewed" as you are - the right amount.
 Lastly, do not overestimate other people's opinions and ideas. People whisper, so shut them up by being happy. Put on your best smile, bring out your self-irony, your charm and optimism because they are winning cards.

If you need help ask for it and, most importantly, don't be embarrassed to do so. You are always so busy doing too much and juggle thousands of responsibilities. You're only human after all, not a super heroine. Don't neglect yourself, your passions and the things you like. Learn to share and, sometimes, to ask people to do things for you. Find time for yourself and your partner. Slow down, relax, look after yourself better, don't give up on having fun and trying, because you are a woman as well as being a mother. There are times when a bit of selfishness and self-regard is exactly what you need.

You won’t manage without your baby's smile and dear little voice, that says that wonderfully magical (and special, and unique) word, the first a child learns, understands and loves: "mummy".
And, if you are a lucky woman (and not all women are, as I am), you will not be able to manage without the support of your partner/husband, of discussing things with him, of his helping you, especially when the going gets tough, and of the way he looks at you that is worth more than a thousand words. You will still be far from perfect, "stewed" in your way - after all, a "mammabollita" comes with a "papabollito" - but together you make a whole and a great team.
My motto for when you are desperate it is one of the cult phrases of the perfect mammabollita, a mantra you should repeat until you are sick of it: “it is a just a phase, it is just a phase…”.

1. Do not underestimate The infinite vitality of our children, their capacity to recover and above all their capacity to grasp the deep meaning of situations, in both a positive and negative sense. They always manage to surprise me and I see them as the litmus test of our adult world.

2. Do not underestimate My energy.
I sometimes seem like I am suffocating with all the multitasking required and over time I have learned just to keep going rather than try to get there first. I have learned that it is the only way to keep my balance and not let myself be overtaken by the intoxication of hyperactivity. I realize that this is the great challenge of modern times, particularly for us women (but not only women), as we are in the front line faced with career, personal and family demands and often on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

3. If you need help Look for support. I have learned little by little how to be a healthy egotist, I ask help from those around me, sometimes from oldest children as well, obviously only for things that they are able to do. The two aged 9 and 10 now make their own beds before going to school and tidy up their rooms, little tricks that added up every day become a great help. My husband also helps out with almost all family matters and I am very fortunate to have met and chosen him as my life partner.

4. I couldn't live without My space, that is small, brief or carved out. I need to find a little time just for me, dedicating myself to that which has always been a part of my world. First of all photography. I started as a child and I have never stopped taking pictures, mainly just for personal pleasure, practically every day. But I also express myself through action. I absolutely cannot keep my hands still, so I put them to use in the kitchen, in little knitting or crocheting projects, creating little fabric dolls, creating and experimenting.

5. My motto for those desperate times Don't be afraid, nothing stays the same for ever, everything changes. So I feel confident in the future, I can glimpse a ray of light even in the darkest times.

Do not underestimate yourself: both in terms of resources and limits. Because if on the one hand demanding to much of yourself may be stressful in the long term, insecurity also does not help, in fact it often blocks the right decisions.

Do not underestimate the future. Do not let negative times and difficulties get you down too much. With children, family and work, you will always be faced with phases that pass and give way to new phases. When there's little to be done about a situation, I just sit and wait. Sooner or later something good will come along. And everything always changes.

Do not overestimate the lives of others. From the outside everything may seem easy and perfect, but I can assure you that this is not the case.
Never overestimate the opinions and words of others. People speak from their own experience, way of being and personal life. This will never coincide with your own experience. Do not overestimate your fears and anxieties. They are like shadows, they seem much bigger at midday than they really are.

If you need help look for it and delegate. Don't feel guilty if you need to take time out for yourself. Try to rest every now and then everything will seem easier! Do not take everything on you own shoulders, there is also a daddy in the family, don't discount him, he can learn as much as you did.

Don't be without: everyone will tell you that you can't be without children and I agree that this is really true, but I also advise you to take some time out for yourself every so often. Regenerate the body and mind and relationships!

Her motto for desperate times: Panta Rei

Now Elena has started another activity, WorldWideParty. She makes themed decorations for birthday parties and special occasions. Learn about her creations and “taste” them in the free download section. I bet you'll love them!

1. Do not underestimate your abilities, the little girl inside you who really wants to play and, most importantly, your instinct. It is amazing how, in the end, our instinct guides us in the right direction.
As I moved from place to place from one part of the world to another, I discovered that our resources and inner strength are far more than we realize and expect. Fear is often our limit and we think we can’t do it. Then magically we always succeed.
Love for our children and the survival instinct that makes us fight for everybody’s well-being - that, no doubt, is the most precious lesson I have learnt since I moved abroad!

2. Do not overestimate what you hear, read, what other people “advise” you to do and what other people think. With my first child I was always ready to take notes of everything I was told. I took everything at face value. You later learn that not everything people say is always right. Yes, listen to what people say, then use your brain.

Too bad if somebody doesn’t agree (there is always somebody who disagrees). Your life is your own and you must go ahead with courage and perseverance. In this case, too, moving abroad taught me a lot - partly because living in a foreign country, far away from your family, makes you stronger. You find yourself in the middle of a different culture. You can learn a lot but you can also feel very lonely, so you have to pull yourself together and believe in yourself!

3. If you need help… ASK FOR IT!!! It is amazing how much we women struggle to ask for help. Why? I personally had to learn to manage on my own and I am still working a lot on it. I still have problems managing the kids. I have never had a babysitter because I have never trusted anyone. But this year that the children are a little older I have given in and have started enjoying my husband’s company without little ones around. There is nothing bad about asking for help, quite the contrary. It means accepting your limits and helps you improve. Most importantly you don’t end up exhausted.

4. You won’t manage without… Since I started living in the US I have become American, so my answer is that I couldn't survive without a tumble dryer and a huge refrigerator.
And here is my answer as an expat Italian: in whatever part of the world I live in, I couldn't manage without my coffee machine, Grana cheese and Skype, which allows me to spend some time with my family and that, if you live abroad with children, is crucial.

5. My motto for when you are desperate: “baby steps” is an American expression to say that you should do one thing at a time. You can manage by taking one small step, then another and so on. Problems and obstacles must be dealt with a little at a time - just as unforgettable moments must be truly enjoyed!

Do not underestimate your strength, of course. You won’t be able to do everything (or even most of the things) you had planned to do. So accept your limits and let other people do things for you. Rest frequently, sleep and too bad if the house is untidy (was it ever tidy before?).  Do not underestimate yourself either. You are strong – you always have been – and you will be in this delicate phase of your life. You will be tired and you will feel as if the sky is falling on your head (by Toutatis!), but this is your life and your children. You are the one who decides. Do not let anybody influence your decisions; do not be afraid to “offend" people. Too bad if this happens! You only live once and every moment with your child is unique. Try to act and think as independently as possible, disregarding everything and everybody. Let other people help you but make sure they do not interfere with your decisions. Your husband’s or partner’s support will be crucial in this sense (he must not go against you).

Do not overestimate other people’s advice.  Don’t take any notice of people who say “I did this, I did that, when I had a baby…”  Don’t listen to people with perfect children who eat, sleep, keep quiet and behave well. Children will be children and newborns (let alone toddlers and older children) are tiring for everybody. Be suspicious of people who are not struggling!!! Don’t bother and go your own way. Share your feelings and moments with your close girlfriends and husband/partner.

If you need help, ask for it and don’t be afraid to do so. If you really need more help, ask a Doula, an experienced woman who offers (non-clinical) emotional and practical support before, during and after childbirth and who acts as an experienced friend. I did not have the chance to hire one, but I am personally acquainted with a few doulas and if I were born again I would surely ask them to help me. Involve your husband or the baby's father to share moments and tiring tasks. Everything will make sense - this is how you build a family. One day, in the future, you will be laughing about the days when your children when drooling babies!!

You won’t manage without thinking about how fragile your child is and about what your life together will be like. You will realize you are responsible for the growth of another person and, even if this scares you a little, it is the most beautiful and deeply involving experience of your life!

My motto for when you are desperate: Icandoit Icandoit Icandoit!!!!

To understand what a welcoming, cheerful and positive person she is, just read her very special advice on serene motherhood. Treasure this advice – it is really precious. If you don’t understand it now, come back here in a few years’ time and you will

1. Do not underestimate: them, your children. True, they are full of energy. But they are discovering one thing after the other. Learning is so easy for them, something we have long forgotten. They are looking at us even when we don't realize. We educate them with the way we act because, like sponges, they absorb everything around them.

2. Do not overestimate: other people’s judgment. The people who love you know that, after quietly and politely expressing their opinion on a subject (be it the children’s education, how to feed them, choosing a pediatrician, the best kind of shoes), they must step aside and let you get on with it. You - with your children's father - play the starring role. Together you can go on this great adventure.

3. If you need help: don’t hold back. Real “wonder women” are the ones who understand they can’t make it alone. We know perfectly well how to ask for help: your mother can iron the shirts, your mother-in-law can cook some sauce and bring it round, a friend can pick up your child from nursery, your husband can come back from work and pick up the screaming baby, giving you the chance to take a shower or cook the dinner in peace. We are lucky to be surrounded by people who are just waiting for us to ask them to help us.
Sometimes we get cross thinking we shouldn't have to ask - our partner, our mother should understand when we have had enough. Waiting for other people to make the first move doesn’t usually help. It is much better to make things simple and just ask. It will be easier for everybody! (I experienced this first-hand…)

4. You won’t manage without: affection. A gentle touch from your mother, reassuring you that you are a good mother even when the baby is screaming so much you feel your heart will break. A romantic dinner with your partner in which you can finally talk. The look of your baby when your feed him or your child waving when you pick her up from school, as if there were nothing better in the world. Your friends' smiles, the friends you know you can always count upon. These moments are the fuel that keeps us going because we feel loved.

5. My motto for when you are desperate: think of what you have and never of what you are missing. This is more of an exercise than a motto. It is a way of finding something good in everything and every situation, even the less (apparently) attractive ones. You can always start again from there - from the positive present.

1. Do not underestimate: The passage of time, which, once passed, never returns. I have no regrets about my life with my son (who's almost 4). With him, I have tried to do all I wanted and all I thought would be of help. When I look back, I am truly pleased with what I've done. I am happy not to have to say “if I'd had more time….”

2. Do not overestimate: Maternity books. They are excellent to dip into, but in this field there are no hard and fast rules. No. Every mother must fine tune this special art on her own; seeking out different opinions, certainly, but then choosing her own way based on what she feels is right. It's always better to make your own mistakes than someone else's.

3. If you need help: Ask for it. This has always been my weak point. I've always been afraid of bothering people, and as a result I've made mistakes (for example while breast feeding) that I am sure I could have avoided if I'd asked for help. Choose someone you can rely on with regard to the particular help you need, and trust in that person.

4. You won’t manage without: A fantastic mei tai baby sling. It's the only thing I haven't tried and that I would like to use even now that my son weighs 3 stone.

5. My motto for moments of desperation: How the hell did my granny manage with 10 children? If she made it, I have no excuse.

1. Do not underestimate: Children’s skills. They may all seem geniuses to us (raise your hand if you have never thought it) but we are, unavoidably, not very objective and we do tend to underestimate them. In a certain way, children are geniuses. The speed at which they learn and the complexity of what they learn is stunning – after all, learning to speak, make sounds, understand meanings and syntax from the noise they hear from morning till night are amazing achievements.

2. Do not overestimate: Your skills. On maternity leave I will do this, and that, and start this... and finish that... all while baby sleeps. We all thought this, myself included, and even second and third-time mums do… you end up doing nothing you had planned, partly because babies do not sleep all the time and there are hundreds of things to do when they are asleep, and mostly because new mums are not office machines. They are hormone bombs that can spend hours cuddling a sleeping baby. I am no exception to the rule. I did almost nothing I had planned during my maternity leave, but I did start something I had not - consciously at least - planned to do. I introduced my child to a second language.

3. If you need help: Ask for it. There usually are plenty of people prepared to help mothers. Often they would do anything to give a hand with the baby, cuddle and play with it. Asking for help means admitting you cannot manage to do everything yourself, as well as loosing some control over the baby. It needs to be done. Giving birth to children and raising them is not something you should do on your own. Women have always helped each other out with children since the beginning of time and recently some men (fathers, grandfathers) have started to help. Expecting to manage everything by yourself means not understanding the problem… You are human, after all. Welcome to the club!

4. You won’t manage without: Singing. You will sing your child to sleep or wake him up with a song. You will sing as you change him and feed him, as you try to distract him and stop him from crying, as you try to get through a long car journey. You will sing for fun, to dance and to make him laugh. And you will sing to teach him another language as well…

5. My motto for when you are desperate: C’est la vie. Nobody said having children was easy - lovely, yes, easy, no. Pull yourself together – tomorrow morning, when your little one snuggles up to you in bed, you will forget that this evening you are tired and have had enough.

You have probably already visited her website, but are you familiar with her five tips on how to survive pregnancy and motherhood? Here they are!

1. Do not underestimate
the power of maternal instinct and the strength of the unconditional love that binds a mother to her child. Being a mother is not easy but it is the most beautiful experience a woman can wish for.

I receive hundreds of letters from pregnant women who are afraid they will not be able to deal with a baby. I think that being afraid of not coping is a feeling we all shared during the nine months of pregnancy. This fear usually vanishes as soon as we look into the eyes of our little one.

2. Do not overestimate
unsolicited advice and your strength. When you have a baby, especially the first, everybody is at the starting line ready to give you opinions, advice and sometimes even disapprove.
Non-constructive criticism is to be ignored, advice and opinions should be welcomed with ‘thank you’, but ultimately the last word is yours.

You should never overestimate the strength of your body – learn to listen to the alarm bells of exhaustion. Sleep when the baby sleeps, turn a blind eye on what needs to be cleaned and find a part of the day for “me time”.

3. If you need help
Ask, call, share, let off steam and confide in somebody. Never be afraid to ask for advice. Talking to other mums is very useful and a great way to make good friends. This happens every day on my website. Do not be ashamed to say that you can’t do it. It can happen – we’ve all been through it. Ask your partner, mother (even your mother-in law if necessary) for help.

4. You won’t manage without…
Contact with your child and don’t be afraid to spoil him! Cuddles are the cure for all your baby’s problems and for you as well.

5. My motto for when you are desperate
Life carries on in one way or another, you'll get over this and tomorrow will be another day, certainly better than this one.

1. Do not underestimate: Your husband, your partner, the father of your child. He can do everything – almost – that you can!

2. Do not overestimate: Yourself. You will have your weaknesses, so go to step 3

3. If you need help: Ask for it, is that clear?

4. You won’t manage without: Falling in love with your little one. Feeling tired. Feeling on top of the world and thinking “this mystery is marvellous.” Wanting some true ME time. Turning round every time you hear a child say ‘mummy’, even if your own child is next to you…

5. My motto for when you are desperate: The darkest hour is just before dawn.

Arianna (Ariadne) – Mercatino dei Piccoli

So where can you find better advice on how to get off on the right foot as you start the fantastic (and energy-consuming) parenting adventure?

1. Do not underestimate: Your partner/husband. Learn that he can help and expect him to do so unconditionally. You are both parents and must be able to replace each other if necessary.

2. Do not overestimate: Your strength. You are not Wonderwoman and you have just given birth to a baby. Rest, smile, eat, sleep and do not set yourself impossible targets.

3. If you need help: Ask for it in a loud voice, don’t just think it would be nice to have some. Nobody can read your mind but everybody can give you what you need - if you learn to ask for it.

4. You won’t manage without: Making mistakes, so get used to it. All mothers make mistakes - that's life. Be the best you can but learn to forgive yourself if something goes wrong.

5. My motto for when you are desperate: Happiness is free and can be found in lots of little things you can indulge in. If you don’t like your life, the only way you can be happy is by changing it.

MammaFelice